Feeling hot. Feeling cold.
Feeling shy. Feeling Bold.
Feeling happy. Feeling sad.
Feeling good. Feeling bad.
Can all these feelings happen at the same exact moment in time, to one lonely being? I wonder. In fact, I have experienced them all at the same time, numerous amounts of times, myself. Now, maybe that's just because I am a teenage, hormone written girl. That could be the very reason why I feel all of those emotions at one instance. Or maybe every single human being has felt those feelings all together. Maybe I'm not alone.
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Mind Madness
Do you ever have those moments when someone is asking you a question, and you can't answer it? Maybe you could have answered it yesterday, or maybe you could answer it tomorrow. But just right at that moment you have no idea what to say.
Mind Madness. That should be what it's called. Because that's basically what happens. Your mind becomes, almost mad, and you can't control it because you don't know what it's doing or thinking. You can't gather the thoughts you've been holding in for the perfect moment, and then finally when it comes. BOOM. Your words are a jungling mess.
I hate when those moments creep up on me. I feel so terrible with not knowing what to say. So instead of saying some intelligent answer I simple reply," I don't know". It's so horrible, and it bugs the crap out of my friends. But sometimes I just simply do not know how to answer a simple question. The result of not knowing what to say, causes me to get frustrated and then I feel the need to scream. Of course I don't scream, but almost...
Mind Madness. That should be what it's called. Because that's basically what happens. Your mind becomes, almost mad, and you can't control it because you don't know what it's doing or thinking. You can't gather the thoughts you've been holding in for the perfect moment, and then finally when it comes. BOOM. Your words are a jungling mess.
I hate when those moments creep up on me. I feel so terrible with not knowing what to say. So instead of saying some intelligent answer I simple reply," I don't know". It's so horrible, and it bugs the crap out of my friends. But sometimes I just simply do not know how to answer a simple question. The result of not knowing what to say, causes me to get frustrated and then I feel the need to scream. Of course I don't scream, but almost...
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
<[Love}>
Love. Such a simple word, yet it can mean so much. What is the definition of love exactly? When I looked up love in the dictionary, this is what I discovered: "A profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person." I think that is so very true. But love is also so much more then that.
Today, the word "love" is misused so very often. For example: When a teenager says they love their girlfriend, or boyfriend. How can they determine that? How can a teenager actually say they love someone, that they've only just met. Now, I know that's not the case for some teenage relationships, but it is for quite a few.
The Bible says that,"Love is patient, Love is kind. It does not envy, or boast. Love is not proud, it is not rude. Love keeps no records of wrongs, it is not self seeking or easily angered. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth."
Love is so much more then what people of today's society believes it is. If I could, I would describe love in my own words. But I find that so difficult to do. Now, you might be thinking to yourself, I can't put it into my own words because I really don't know what it means. Or because I am really just too lazy to think of something to say about it. I tell you, that is not the reason at all.
Love is so much more then what any words could ever describe. I have surely found love. The most amazing kind. This love could not be with any human being on earth. This love I have found, is with Jesus Christ. He loves me more then I could ever understand, and I love him as much as I ever could.
Sometimes I struggle with this concept, of loving something that I can't see. But it's not about seeing. It's about feeling his love for me every single day of my life, by remembering what he did for me. A good quote from the movie"Santa Clause" is this, "Seeing isn't believing. Believing is seeing." That quote always comes to my mind when I think of believing in God. God loves us, all and every single one of us. It's hard to comprehend what, exactly that means when people say that He loves us. But he does! : )
Today, the word "love" is misused so very often. For example: When a teenager says they love their girlfriend, or boyfriend. How can they determine that? How can a teenager actually say they love someone, that they've only just met. Now, I know that's not the case for some teenage relationships, but it is for quite a few.
The Bible says that,"Love is patient, Love is kind. It does not envy, or boast. Love is not proud, it is not rude. Love keeps no records of wrongs, it is not self seeking or easily angered. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth."
Love is so much more then what people of today's society believes it is. If I could, I would describe love in my own words. But I find that so difficult to do. Now, you might be thinking to yourself, I can't put it into my own words because I really don't know what it means. Or because I am really just too lazy to think of something to say about it. I tell you, that is not the reason at all.
Love is so much more then what any words could ever describe. I have surely found love. The most amazing kind. This love could not be with any human being on earth. This love I have found, is with Jesus Christ. He loves me more then I could ever understand, and I love him as much as I ever could.
Sometimes I struggle with this concept, of loving something that I can't see. But it's not about seeing. It's about feeling his love for me every single day of my life, by remembering what he did for me. A good quote from the movie"Santa Clause" is this, "Seeing isn't believing. Believing is seeing." That quote always comes to my mind when I think of believing in God. God loves us, all and every single one of us. It's hard to comprehend what, exactly that means when people say that He loves us. But he does! : )
A Depressing Hope
A Depressing Hope
A constant strain, a continuing stress
I tried so hard to win over this contest
Not a win, but a fail
I was trying so hard not to wail
The hurt, the fright
I don’t think I can put up with this fight
From standing tall to feeling small
I can’t deal with this one bit, not at all
Barely able to hold myself steady
Breathing heavy, I’m not even ready
Something I can’t reach out and touch
Something moving far away from my clutch
It’s pulling and tugging right at my back
The heart breaking thought to never look back
The heart wrenching pain of losing this feeling
The love from my heart is slowly peeling
I need a love that will hold fast and strong
One where I know that nothing could go wrong
My heart has stopped, with no thought in my head
I’m so afraid to check my pulse I think I’m….dead
No hope or thoughts, deep inside my mind
Love and kindness, I can not find
Then I hear a voice whispered by my ear
A voice so calm and soft I cold barely hear
I listened close, I listened intently
It spoke of a marvelous hope and joy, ever so frequently
Dead as I may be
A great faith and hope was given to me
I finally feel I should fight for my life
No more thinking of outer beauty, no more perfecting my life
I feel a great wind has nourished my body
Breathing once more with a beautiful love with me
A feeling of warmth, hydration, and light
And away from the darkness that over took my life
This light, love and joy has filled me with hope from above
Hope to live on, and always feel loved.
{A Life Longing For True Love}
Never has anyone said " I love you",
No prince has yet to find the match to my Cinderella shoe.
My hand never been held before,
Always waiting for you to walk through the door.
The wait to find someone to hold me close,
To think that maybe someday recieve a red rose.
My heart is almost full with one piece missing,
Someone I have always dreamed of kissing.
To think that maybe I'll find my true love,
And surely that will be gift from above.
How long will this take, how much more will I have to wait,
But God said " Don't worry, he will never be late!".
I won't have to ask him to love me,
For our love will always be.
Together, forever is how long our love will last,
And we won't forget anything in the past.
"I will love you foever!", is what God said to me,
Forever, and always is what we will be.
I will ask for you to hold me forever,
For I won't want to leave you, No Never!
I give to you a piece of my heart,
Together we will be a fine work of art.
In time our years will pass on,
Together our love story will always be drawn.
We will strengthen each other up everyday,
And together we will always have time to pray.
Our Lord, God has given us so much,
His love has grasped us,
we're in his clutch,
This God of love has taught us so much!
(This was what was on my heart one night, so I decided to write it out!)
The Butterfly Ambush
I can’t breath, when I’m around him. My heart it beats, a million times a second. And I find myself forgetting, how to speak. All of my feelings for him, cause me to be weak.
Sweaty palms, beating hearts, old love songs, are winding through my head, I can barely fall asleep in bed. And I still can’t breath, I can’t remember anything. His smiling face it makes my heart, race.
Butterflies, flying around in my stomach, it makes a sound. Feeling sick, I can’t control this feeling that haunts me, by the second. No way of knowing when it comes when it goes.
Shaky hands, tired eyes, biting nails, I can’t wait it won’t pass by. This feeling of no control around him, I feel like I’m hiding everything. I don’t want this to happen, I don’t want to hide myself away.
I find it hard everyday, to open up, and be myself without worrying. It’s hard for me to open up, and be who I really am, who I am, But I’ll do it for you, if you give me the time too!
[I wrote this poem couple years ago, when I was younger.]
Monday, October 12, 2009
Girls??!
I don't understand a lot of girls. Being a girl myself, that may sound a bit strange, and impossible to be true. But I just don't get some of them. They often make no sense to me
I've been in many conversations with girls where they are drooling over a guy, or multiple guys even. What's the purpose of that? It maybe just for fun, but I don't see the fun in falling in love with a guy that you can never be with. Or even have a conversation with. Why bother?
And oh, if girls only knew what guys really are thinking about them. They don't understand the concept of being modest, or even why schools and other places require it. Girls just like the attention, they don't even consider what's going on in the guy's mind. Oh, if they only knew. I think that every teenage girl should read books like,"Every Young Womens Battle". I highly recommend this book. There are some hardcore things they talk about, but they really need to be heard.
I also do not get how girls can think that wearing 15 layers of foundation, dark, black eye liner, and bright red lipstick can be attractive. Girls aren't only females that wear too much makeup. Quite a good amount of women wear over excessive makeup. If only both girls and women knew how much natural beauty is beautiful. If I wear a guy, I would be more attracted to a girl who is comfortable in her own skin. Who doesn't try to cover up, and wear a mask on her face.
Even though I don't understand some of these things, I do know that girls have so much pressure put onto them by the never ending media. Everything that's advertised today is advertised in a way that makes you think you need it in order to be a better person. Or to even help your self-confidence. Which is totally not needed. All girls are beautiful just the way they are. They should not have to change a thing about themselves, just so other people can pester them about how they're still not good enough. I just wish people knew really how much they're beautiful.
Although I don't understand girls/women very well, I wish I can do all I can to help them in their life journey to find out who they really are! I know it is a difficult journey, with lots of obstacles in the road to tackle.
If you are a girl or woman, I just want you to know that you're not alone. You have my complete support for you, while you tackle those difficult and stubborn boulders in your way. You are beautiful, and don't let ANYONE tell you otherwise. Don't let the lies of the media get in your head. They just want someone to buy they're product, and you do not have to buy into that. Don't buy into it. You're a beautiful human being that is different from anyone else, and you will survive in your journey if you just hold on tight to what you believe in your heart!
"Your head knows what to say, but your heart can lead the way!"
I've been in many conversations with girls where they are drooling over a guy, or multiple guys even. What's the purpose of that? It maybe just for fun, but I don't see the fun in falling in love with a guy that you can never be with. Or even have a conversation with. Why bother?
And oh, if girls only knew what guys really are thinking about them. They don't understand the concept of being modest, or even why schools and other places require it. Girls just like the attention, they don't even consider what's going on in the guy's mind. Oh, if they only knew. I think that every teenage girl should read books like,"Every Young Womens Battle". I highly recommend this book. There are some hardcore things they talk about, but they really need to be heard.
I also do not get how girls can think that wearing 15 layers of foundation, dark, black eye liner, and bright red lipstick can be attractive. Girls aren't only females that wear too much makeup. Quite a good amount of women wear over excessive makeup. If only both girls and women knew how much natural beauty is beautiful. If I wear a guy, I would be more attracted to a girl who is comfortable in her own skin. Who doesn't try to cover up, and wear a mask on her face.
Even though I don't understand some of these things, I do know that girls have so much pressure put onto them by the never ending media. Everything that's advertised today is advertised in a way that makes you think you need it in order to be a better person. Or to even help your self-confidence. Which is totally not needed. All girls are beautiful just the way they are. They should not have to change a thing about themselves, just so other people can pester them about how they're still not good enough. I just wish people knew really how much they're beautiful.
Although I don't understand girls/women very well, I wish I can do all I can to help them in their life journey to find out who they really are! I know it is a difficult journey, with lots of obstacles in the road to tackle.
If you are a girl or woman, I just want you to know that you're not alone. You have my complete support for you, while you tackle those difficult and stubborn boulders in your way. You are beautiful, and don't let ANYONE tell you otherwise. Don't let the lies of the media get in your head. They just want someone to buy they're product, and you do not have to buy into that. Don't buy into it. You're a beautiful human being that is different from anyone else, and you will survive in your journey if you just hold on tight to what you believe in your heart!
"Your head knows what to say, but your heart can lead the way!"
{:Drama:}
Life drama. It's in everyone's lives. Yet no one seems to know how to get rid of it. The cause of life drama, that's simple: dramatic people. They are the reasons why so many things go in a downward slope.
I myself, wish I could distinguish the dramatic people from those who are not so dramatic. I recently had some major drama happen in my life. It was really rather silly actually. Someone one blamed me for not doing anything, about something that I didn't know about. She accused me that I was not there for her when she needed me, yet I didn't know she needed me. She completely pulled away from me, and said that she felt like I had run away from her. On the contrary that's not what happened at all. But I guess you can't really expect no drama from a teen age girl. I don't think that if I had sent her a message, she would have ever talked to me. And yes, I find that quite upsetting. Actually now that I think of it, I have had that happen twice. And in nothing that I did, or could control. I hope that I'm not making it look like I am blaming them for everything. Because perfect, I am not. I wish I had said other things at the time, but there is nothing I can do now. Even though these friendships have somewhat ended, I do wish all the best towards these girls. I honestly mean that. I just hope that someday they will understand what they did, and they will not let that happen in the future, to there future friends.
I just hope that people will stop blaming others and will be able to take responsibility for the own actions. I know it's difficult at times to take responsibility for your own actions, and to just let somethings go. But it's something definitely should be done.
I really wish there was a remedy to dramatic people, and drama filled situations. Maybe there is, and we just haven't found it yet!
I myself, wish I could distinguish the dramatic people from those who are not so dramatic. I recently had some major drama happen in my life. It was really rather silly actually. Someone one blamed me for not doing anything, about something that I didn't know about. She accused me that I was not there for her when she needed me, yet I didn't know she needed me. She completely pulled away from me, and said that she felt like I had run away from her. On the contrary that's not what happened at all. But I guess you can't really expect no drama from a teen age girl. I don't think that if I had sent her a message, she would have ever talked to me. And yes, I find that quite upsetting. Actually now that I think of it, I have had that happen twice. And in nothing that I did, or could control. I hope that I'm not making it look like I am blaming them for everything. Because perfect, I am not. I wish I had said other things at the time, but there is nothing I can do now. Even though these friendships have somewhat ended, I do wish all the best towards these girls. I honestly mean that. I just hope that someday they will understand what they did, and they will not let that happen in the future, to there future friends.
I just hope that people will stop blaming others and will be able to take responsibility for the own actions. I know it's difficult at times to take responsibility for your own actions, and to just let somethings go. But it's something definitely should be done.
I really wish there was a remedy to dramatic people, and drama filled situations. Maybe there is, and we just haven't found it yet!
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