YOU.

I love you.

I love everything about you.

You are perfect in my eyes.

You bring happiness into my life.

You are found to be my other half.

You complete the world I didn't know.

You send shivers up my spin.

You put the butterflies into my tummy.

You knocked me over, face first, in disbelief.

You make me laugh.

You cause my hair to stand on the back of my neck.

You know me without a doubt.

You are wonderful.

You have many flaws, but I don't care.

You may not be the prettiest, but that's not what I see.

You make my heart, and soul sing, sing, sing.

You stare into my eyes, making me fly high above the earth.

You help me see with an open mind.

You expose me to new things.

You are you and no one else.

You love me for me, and no one else.

You break my bad mood.

You make me blush just by looking into my soul.

You sing love by nothing into my ear.

You hear me when I don't speak.

You read me over and over, like an unread book.

Your thoughts are of many.

You are the funniest person in my world.

You hold me in your arms because you care.

You break the fear I always have had.

You shred my secret of worries and doubts.

You bring hopes and happiness into me.

I have yet to find...YOU.

Beautiful

{Just because you are not perfect, does not mean you are not beautiful!}

Every day I struggle with the other girl in the mirror. I look into her eyes and think, "Hey...I guess shes not that ugly". Within five minutes I turn back, "Who am I kidding?". I begin to believe that I will never be pretty enough for anyone. At the same moment I try to build myself up of how good looking I am, while tearing other people down. I know it's wrong. Hating myself for even thinking that way, I fall to my knees in tears. Of the fake-ness I'm trying to make myself believe, and the extreme falseness I ploy onto my own loving friends. I've seen into the heart of this evil. The cruelty that has been embedded into my mind is not something I created. The media has conditioned my brain into thinking I am a worthless, plain, and ugly girl that no one could ever love.

Through movies, television, magazines, internet, and clothing stores people are taught to believe that beauty is having the perfect body. Without the best clothing, amazing hair, and expensive makeup, you are not beautiful. You are then, a low, worthless, rag doll no one should waste their time on. You are ugly. You don't have big boobs, a nicely shaped butt, a hour-glass shaped figure, you are nothing.

If only the media knew how much young women, and girls are affected by all this. In fact, they do know. They know girls loath themselves, and buy everything to make them think they are beautiful and aren't ugly anymore. Why? Why do they want girls feeling like they need to fix everything about themselves? One word. Money.

Just like everything else in this country, it's all because of money. Sure, you can be a "beautiful" looking woman, if you just buy this, and this and, oh this too! The sad thing is...We've done it. We've bought the clothes. We've bought the makeup. What we've really bought into though, are the lies.

Real beauty can not be bought. It's a gift that is given, for FREE. Everyone,(And yes...I mean EVERYONE) is beautiful, and has beauty. You may disagree with me and think, "Yeah..well, you haven't seen this one girl I know...she is probably, the ugliest person ALIVE." You know what...You my friend, are utterly wrong.

Beauty is not necessarily something that is seen on the outside. Although, I do believe that every single person's outer shell, on this very earth, IS beautiful. With that being said, beauty is not just looks as everyone thinks. It's something more than that. And you don't really understand what real beauty is until you've actually experienced it or have seen it, in not the way you would think too. It's so much more than anything you could ever think up. So much more than you could ever dream.

I always try to find beauty in everything.

Although sometimes I struggle with my own self image, and I get caught up in the media, and all that stuff that will never really matter, I still try to find beauty. I stop looking in the mirror with a critical eye. I stop thinking I'm better than everyone else. I realize that this is the body I was given, I can't change it, no matter how much I want to, I just can't. And I am beautiful because I was made by Someone perfect, and he knows that I really am. Thought it's hard to remember that all the time, when I do, it's easier to get on with life and think about the important things. Like loving other beautiful people for who they are no matter what their shell, or life style. Beauty is in everything, just not everyone can see it. If you look for beauty, you will find it.

You are BEAUTIFUL.

Walk A Mile In Yours

I wish so much to be able to walk a mile in EVERYONE'S shoes. I want to learn about how people have come to be who they are today, and how things happened for them. Also, I feel if I could become that person I would truly be able to understand them fully. Where they're coming from, why they live the way they do. Everything. Well I guess to an extent. Even living them for only as short as one day would be enough.

I love people so much. I respect them. I want them to know, I don't want to judge them. I want to know, understand, and be able to communicate with them before anything. To learn about a difference someone is making, a struggle one is having, or even just a little tid-bit about their ordinary life interests me so much, you wouldn't even think it's even possible.

Truly and wholly loving someone for who they are, in spite of all their faults and problems is something I want to obtain. Even if they are the misfit that no one likes to be around. Or if they're so utterly mean. I don't want any of that to matter. Those are not what make people, people. Those are just little bumps, road blocks, that people put up to guard themselves. Once you get passed those minor things, you begin to see what God has made. You begin to see the beauty of the person, and become in one understanding of all of them.

That is something I desperately long to have.

Unperishable

This is just a little snip-it from a song I started to write called "Unperishable". I haven't thought of any other words to go with it. So It might just turn into a short poem!

"You push and you shove me. You break me and don't love me. How can you expect me to remain whole? I need something so I can become, Unperishable. I won't let anyone break me down. 'Cause I am, Unperishable. A couple of years ago I tried to save my soul, but I was lost in a place where I became unknown."

dot dot dot...that is all...dot dot dot. for now...

Reading Into Nothing.

Why do we(Us girls) read into every little thing a guy does? He says "hello", to be nice. Of course, we read his "hello" as a 'sign', he is sending out to us on purpose, and we think that he knows exactly what he is saying too. "Oh my gosh...he is TOTALLY in love with me!" We blow it out into a complete and full length fairy tale story, just so we can tell our girl-friends about it. Maybe a subconscious motive to make them jealous, or think we are in love. Most girls would not agree with this. Some, do. I've seen it happen before with my own two eyes. The girl wants so much for the guy to like her. So she does everything to make it seem like he does...Not so much to make him actually like her. But what it seems like, to put on a show for everyone else around them. She allows certain things to happen, in order to decorate her story with frills. She sits close, right up next to him and asks you, "Did you see how close we were sitting?" What do you do to respond to that? You kind of have a feeling the guy is only interesting in being just friends with her. But you can't find it in your heart to tell her that. So what do you do as a girl-friend? You help encourage it, of course. Just for the record. WORST IDEA EVER. I've done it. But what gal-friend hasn't? It's hard to break their hopes, but then again...you are kind of lying to them in a way. Why must you be put into such an awkward position, not knowing what the H-E-Double Hockey Sticks to do!!!!(Pardon my French)

Because of their hope in seeing every little thing. Us friends to start read into every single nothing too, just for their sake. Maybe it's because we are manipulated by them into believing these things are true. Or maybe it's because we just want so much for our friend to be happy...We try so hard to get ourselves to believe there is something really there. Even though we know the truth. The guy is just trying to be friendly and nice..THE END.!

HONESTY. Just be honesty from the start. Don't cover it all with sugar and feed them what they want to hear. It does them no good if it's not the truth. It will come back to bite you in the BUTT. Believe me, I know from a couple of bad decisions. I thought that it'd be fine. I wish I just kept my mouth shut. Honesty, however, is one of the hardest things to have in any relationship. Yet, it's the #1 most important thing TO have.

In the end. Just watch "He's Just Not That Into You"...

No but really. Just be honest, and be careful! Think about how you could hurt the other person with not telling them your honest opinions or thoughts...not about how it could end up hurting yourself.

Put others before yourself.

Told Without Wanting To Listen

I was a jerk to you, for someone else's sake. I am sorry. How can I go back and change how I have acted? How can I ever forgive myself? I was just getting to know you, and then they went and told me about you. Things I would've rather you told me yourself. I am sorry. I shouldn't have listened. I knew when I was being told that I should have closed my ears. I should have told them to stop. I wanted to be able to know you through you and not by someone else. You didn't deserve being ignored. You had no idea what was going on. I want to apologize...but I'm afraid to.

There is no excuse. How can I make an excuse? It's my own fault. I didn't speak up for them...or myself. I didn't tell them to stop talking...and I didn't stop listening...

I don't care to know things about other people whom I have never met. Whom I might actually meet someday. I could've almost became good friends with them. But you stopped me, because you told me everything bad about them when I didn't want to hear. I listen only because I don't know what else to do. Next time I will say stop. But I just don't want to hurt you. Is that better though, than knowing someone is being hurt behind their back without even knowing it? I can't live with knowing things about other people without knowing them first. Why did you have to tell me this?

I am truly...sorry!!

Words.

Words take up so much time. If only words wouldn't get in the way. The wrong combination of words can ruin a whole life. So many words to choose from, and the hated ones used the most and cause strife. Often times we give ourselves only certain words. Why do we do so if we have so much to pick from. Day by day about a million words are said and even more are thought in our heads. They can never escape our over use of them.

Although words are very helpful in about almost every situation that occurs, sometimes it's just best not to use any words at all. To simply act, or draw. Paint a picture or photograph one. As a famous quote says: "Actions speak louder than words". In the action of art as well, it can speak louder than any words ever could!

Questioning Questions.

Relying on what I know. Or what I think I know. Does it make sense? Does it all work out in the end? Will all this last and be usable for my future? Or will this all just be flushed down the drain. Once I have the chance, once the door opens right in front of my face, will I know and walk through it? Or will I just pass by like a stupid, unknowable idiot? How can I be for certain if this was meant for my life? Was this even supposed to be for me, or someone else? Would I ever get over the fact of the reason that I will never seem to realize? Will it ever all make sense in my brain, enough for me to be able to explain it to people, and have it make sense in my words? SO that they may some how be able to help me with my questions in life. Will I ever even uncover the courage to actually ask someone my questions? Will this water ever turn clear or just stay murky? Wondering forever hasn't seem to get me anywhere, but no one seems to have the answers to my questions, so how am I supposed to go on with no answers.

I guess just waiting will do the trick. Knowing that most of my questions will go unanswered, and being okay with that! I suppose I can live with that...Well, I'll have to!! :)

Dandelion

Dandelion, I blew a wish from you, hoping that it someday will come true.

I feel tiredness come rescue my pain, it sweeps me off my feet just like the wind and rain,

Carry me softly to the depths of my pillow, hide myself away under my own weeping willow. Clutching tight, I grip hold of my sheets, pain for the agony to stop, waiting for the hurt that leach, It sucks my life away causing me to hate myself every single day.

Something, it falls gently over me, trying to hold back tears of joy, it's peace. My horrified shivers begin to cease.

I feel warm, alive once again, life brought through my veins.

I wake and see the storm is over, the dead feeling now eternal life forever.

Holding my hands to the sky, my face, my eyes they begin to cry.

I feel no pain, I feel no harm, I feel not sorrow but His loving arm,

around me tight, and strong. I know this will last forever long.

I have found this hope in something so simple I couldn't believe, this little flower I hold in my hand has finally brought my relief!!

Time Sure Does Fly.

This time last year I was wishing I wasn't here at all. I hated life and I only wanted to stay in my room and sulk. I missed my friends and my home. I cried so much, it should have been illegal.

Boy how things have changed in the past year.

A little more than a year ago I moved across the country to a place I had never been. It was so different from what I was used to, and it had my great disapproval. The heat was unbearable, hotter than I had ever felt, and there was not a rain drop in sight. Or cloud, for that matter. For so long I loathed this land I was forced to live upon. I knew no one. I had left all my friends where I loved most, and I hated every second without them. I was so set on locking myself in my room, and not allowing anyone in that I came to know the real me.

My relationship with God at times was even feeling dead. For a while, I didn't know what to believe in. I began to question everything about God and, about everything I had ever known. To this day I still do(though I know God is the only one out there that truly matters). I had no care about myself, or my God. I cried out to him so many times. I just wanted to know "Why?". During that same time, a little bit after, my relationship with God was overpowering, and it was stronger than it had ever been before. It was then did I only start to begin accepting my place here.

The summer was over. Enough lazing around doing nothing. I had to start school. It was one of the most frustrating school years I had ever experienced. Because I was so out of the routine at home, I couldn't focus and I didn't like it.

In August of 2009, I became a part of something that has deeply changed my life, I met friends and joined the drama program of MoezArt.

I was so used to hanging out with adults, my parents or my siblings the whole summer, I had forgotten what it was like to interact with people my own age. Finding the first couple of classes really pushing myself to just walk in the door without my mom, was a struggle. My very first drama audition was tortuous. I had to, not only talk in front of people I had never seen nor met before, but I had to perform of the top of my head for them. You could say I was a little bit out of my comfort zone. As the weeks went on I started making a few friends. After that first semester, I had a different outlook on life. Though, I only made a few friends, I had no idea what was in store for me in 2010.

In January of 2010, I auditioned for a part in an up coming play of MoezArt. Never really thinking I would EVER get this part, I still practiced every single day as best as I could. I had to audition for it early because I would be away on a missions trip for the real audition times. The night I went, I blew the judges away. I myself, was even surprised with my singing. Never before then had I ever sung so hard, and so strong in my life. They had me sing the same song three more times. I was stunned by the judge's reactions.

The day after my pre-audition, I left for El Salvador. What an amazing experience that was to be a part of. I was able to see some of my old friends whom I had not seen for a year. One, I was especially glad to see because we had became great friends over the course of my time at my new "home". We all share such great times together, learning of God's love, and working to help others through that. It was a week I will never forget, and one I will cherish forever...

A while after I got back from my incredible trip to El Salvador, it was time to find out the shock of my whole acting career. Of course, on the day all the results came out, I didn't receive that very important e-mail. I actually found out on Facebook from a friend. I literally couldn't believe I got the part I wanted. My dream about having this very part, had come true. It totally blew my mind. I was shocked. Then after the first day of rehearsals, I was told that about 8 other girls had tried out for this part which I had been bestowed upon. One of which, and an unbelievable audition. Hearing all this, caused me to become EXTREMELY nervous. I was so afraid everyone would think I totally suck...and I wouldn't be what people had expected of me to be. I began to ask why I was given this part over anyone else? What was so special about my less than perfect audition? I still wonder that today.

Anyways. I don't know if it was because I was given this main part. Or if it was because people had truly seen the real me come out. But I made a lot of new friends that very semester. Right now, I don't really care if it was only because my part they talked to me. Because, I became friends with them anyways! :)

God definitely stuck those people in my life at the perfect time, and I now have some GREAT, INCREDIBLY, AMAZING friendships, that I KNOW will last a life time. Over the summer I hung out with some people. And now, I don't know how I ever lived without them. I talk to some of them every single day. I find it difficult not talking to them for less the half the day even. They raise up my spirits, and have brought the life into me that once was lost. They also, have allowed me to have a closer relationship with God, and know what a true friendship is like.

After living in this land where I once was lost and forgotten, I can now say I am indescribably thankful in so many ways, that God has plopped me here. For being here almost a year and a half, I can surely say this year has been one of the best of my entire life. Thank you to all of my friends, who have befriended me. You will never possibly know how much you have made a difference in my life, or how much I really care about you! THANK YOU. I LOVE YOU ALL.

And...that's how time has flown by. I can not believe all this has happened, in such a short amount of time. But I am certainly more than glad it has. :)

Growing up is Inevitable

I am beginning to realize that growing up is inevitable. While I am very excited for what may come my way as I become an adult. I'm frightened. Scared of experiences I'm not yet ready to have. Decisions, I'm not ready to make.

My 17th birthday has just passed, and I am in my senior year of high school. How am I supposed to have my life figured out in a year? I have no possible idea of what I want to do for a job, or if I even really want to go to college. Even when I do think of something I would be interested in doing for the rest of my life, I begin to think more of other things I would like to do, and I just get so frustrated!

Why does it seem like we have to have it all figured out? And I need to work on getting a job as well. I'm not ready for all this responsibility and stress that comes along with it. How do I deal with this? I just wish sometimes...That I was still only 5. I wouldn't have to worry about anything except when Arthur is going to be on. And when my next snack is.

Prepared, I am not. Why does it seem like everyone has it all figured out except me?

I apologize for my little rant just then. I've been thinking and this has been on my mind for a while. I hope you don't mind!! Thank you!

Smile:)

One Smile. One Day.

One Person. One, Okay.

You don't have to be happy. You don't have to be sad.

I'm not asking for much. Just to see your smile will make me glad.

I'm holding on to you. I won't ever let you go.

Just as long as you assure me. Your smile will overflow.

Hearts are waiting, to receive such a simple gift.

To move your cheeks up, and with your lips a little lift.

To Date Or Not To Date?

To be completely honest, my opinion of dating is that it's really quite dumb and is a waste of time. Now, I know a lot of people might be offended. But once you really think about it...it is true.


(And btw...I am not talking about dating when you are an adult..or in college...just dating when you are in high school or younger.)


Dating in high school(or even before high school) is the dumbest idea ever...First of all...High schoolers have extreme hormones...not to mention we're very immature and not very good at make smart decisions. Secondly, what's the point? Can't we just be close friends...but not be boyfriend/girlfriend? If your already close friends there's no real reason to date, because you already have a relationship with them. The only thing you're not doing when you're just friends, is touching each other and kissing.


When you announce to be boyfriend&girlfriend it adds a sudden pressure. Pressure to be something you're not, or to act a certain way that you think you're supposed to act. When you're just friends...you don't have that pressure.


Yes, I do realize it is quite impossible for people of the opposite sex to never have a liking at one time or other, with each other. I'm not saying that it's wrong to like people and that you shouldn't. You just don't have to act on that feeling right away. I think teenagers tend to act right away on feelings they have...We don't really think them over and decide what we should do about them. If we thought with our brains more than our bodies, we all would be living a totally different life style.

Also, the whole point of dating from way back in the day, was so you could find someone to love and spend the rest of your life with. If you're dating when you're in highschool, there is a very high chance you won't stay together very long and you most likely will NEVER marry. If you're just dating for fun, it's wrong. What's so fun about playing around with someone else's emotions? Hurting and/or breaking someone's heart, once they have let you in, is no game I like to play.

Now, I am not saying I look down upon other people who have chosen to date. Or saying that true love is not found if you date. I simply just choose not to encourage, or partake in dating.

Not to date..:)

I Always Wonder...?

I always wonder if anyone actually ever reads my blogs. I post them hoping someone will comment...yet no one does. I am sure I'm not the only person who gets no comments or readers!!

This was just a short little thought in my head that I had!! Just thought I'd put it out there!! :D